THE INSIDE OF CHARLES BARKLEY’S ASS: MUST SEE TV

 

CHARLES BARKLEY: OPEN WIDE AND SAY AHHH! (no, the other end)

Brace yourself. This might be the worst mental image you’ll ever picture in your life. I haven’t seen this blurb receive as much publicity as I thought, but it was in the Philadelphia Daily News and on Foxsports.com today.

Former NBA star Charles Barkley is going to undergo a colonoscopy Friday and it’s going to be TELEVISED.

Great! I mean, who doesn’t want to see the inside of Charles Barkley’s ass? At first, I thought this would just be another goofy little TNT segment with Kenny Smith and Ernie Johnson. Nope! Barkley’s giant butt is going network. Make that THREE networks. Barkley is undergoing the test as part of the “Stand Up To Cancer” event being televised on September 5th. It will be aired on NBC, ABC, AND CBS making Barkley’s colonoscopy one of the most widely televised events in broadcasting history.

No!!!!!!!!!!!

The televised event actually led to some creative writer at Foxsports.com penning this lead:

 

 

 

“We may not know what Shaq’s tastes like (or really care to, for that matter), but we’re about to find out what Sir Charles’ looks like.”

The article also contains another classic Barkley quote,

 

 

 

they were “probably just looking for the celebrity with the biggest ass.”

 

NETWORK PREVIEW? AN ACTUAL COLONOSCOPY PHOTO

LEGEND?

 

THE LEGEND: ANDREW GAZE

Foxsports.com ran a story earlier today in which they referred to “legendary” basketball player Andrew Gaze. I would happily link you to the artice but it has been removed from the Foxsports website. Gaze talked about what a huge Olympic moment it would be if the Aussies beat Team USA.  I don’t know if the article was pulled because the U.S. kicked Australia’s ass or if it was because somebody used “Andrew Gaze” and “legend” in the same sentence.

Gaze was an okay player at Seton Hall. He played parts of two seasons in the NBA with Washington and San Antonio averaging 1.7 points per game in 26 career NBA games. Even if he was one of the “greatest” players in the history of Australia, that puts him on par with Shane Heal and Chris Anstey.

Either way he’s no Luc Longley. And how much of a “legend” was he?

JESUS SHUTTLESWORTH WEDDING PICTURE

BASKETBALL STAR RAY ALLEN OF THE CELTICS GETS MARRIED: WALKS DOWN THE AISLE BAREFOOT ON ROSE PETALS

HAVING ALREADY IMPREGNATED HALF THE WOMEN ON THIS CONTINENT 37-YEAR-OLD SHAWN KEMP SIGNS TO PLAY BASKETBALL IN ITALY

SHAWN KEMP

NBA TEAMS BANNED FROM SIGNING IRANIAN 7-FOOTER

HAMED EHADADI

According to Yahoo! Sports, the NBA has sent a letter to all 30 teams informing them they are FORBIDDEN from signing 7′ 2″ center Hamed Ehadadi of Iran. Ehahadadi was reportedly close to signing a deal with the Memphis Grizzlies.

Unfortunately, there is a federal law which prohibits “a person or organization in the United States from engaging in business dealings with Iranian nationals.”

Ehadadi has looked great for the Iranian team in the Olympics. He had 21 points and 16 rebounds against Argentina on Saturday.

 

PHOTO OF EHADADI IN ACTION

Ehadadi is not to be confused with another Iranian 7-footer named Jaber Rouzbahani. Rouzbanhi is the freakishly large center who applied for the NBA draft and played in the Vegas Summer League four years ago.

JABER ROUZBAHANI

Ehadadi is far more skilled than Rouzbahani. However, check out the photo below. Ehadadi is listed at 7’2″ but look how he is DWARFED by Rouzbahani. Rouzbahani is the guy in the green towel. Ehadadi is to his right.

 

IRANIAN BASKETBALL TEAM

MRS. SHAQ IS BACK

SHAQUILLE  AND SHAUNIE O’NEAL

Basketball star Shaquille O’Neal and his estranged wife have reportedly reconciled.

JASON KIDD’S CHICK KISSED A GIRL…AND SHE LIKED IT!

MAY ANDERSON AND LINDSAY LOHAN

From the New York Post Page Six via SPORTSbyBROOKS:

Dallas Mavericks guard Jason Kidd probably gets more celebrity trim than any other member of the Redeem Team. He has not only dated but impregnated his share of supermodels.

Kidd though has reportedly dumped his latest squeeze, Danish supermodel May Anderson. The best part of the story is that Page Six actually BRAGS about breaking the couple up. Apparently Kidd was pissed that while he’s off half way around the world serving God and country playing for the U.S. Olympic basketball team, his chick was sneaking out at night being a hobag.

The last straw apparently came when Anderson was written up in the Post for partyng with Lindsay Lohan (who she was apparently making out with.)

Look, I know Jason Kidd is getting up there in years, but C’MON! If your biggest complaint with your blazing hot supermodel girlfriend is she likes sex too much and can’t stop drinking and making out with other hot chicks then I really can’t feel that sorry for you.

Jason Kidd is a weenie! (Either that or he’s GAY!)

SKIP TO MY LOU BUSTED FOR DUI

RAFER ALSTON

Houston Rockets guard Rafer Alston has been arrested for suspicion of drunk driving. Alston was released from jail after posting a $500 bond.

 

UTAH JAZZ OWNER ALMOST DIED

JAZZ OWNER LARRY MILLER MEETS WITH THE PRESS FRIDAY FOLLOWING HIS HOSPITAL RELEASE

According to an Associated Press article, longtime Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller was near death this summer. Miller was hospitalized for nearly two months following a heart attack. His condition was complicated by Types 2 diabetes and intestinal bleeding that required two operations.

The article says Miller currently needs a wheelchair but hopes to regain the use of his legs which were weakened by his long hospital stay.

DIRK NOWITZKI’S NEW HAIRCUT