Archive for the ‘tv’ Category

THE INSIDE OF CHARLES BARKLEY’S ASS: MUST SEE TV

August 20, 2008

 

CHARLES BARKLEY: OPEN WIDE AND SAY AHHH! (no, the other end)

Brace yourself. This might be the worst mental image you’ll ever picture in your life. I haven’t seen this blurb receive as much publicity as I thought, but it was in the Philadelphia Daily News and on Foxsports.com today.

Former NBA star Charles Barkley is going to undergo a colonoscopy Friday and it’s going to be TELEVISED.

Great! I mean, who doesn’t want to see the inside of Charles Barkley’s ass? At first, I thought this would just be another goofy little TNT segment with Kenny Smith and Ernie Johnson. Nope! Barkley’s giant butt is going network. Make that THREE networks. Barkley is undergoing the test as part of the “Stand Up To Cancer” event being televised on September 5th. It will be aired on NBC, ABC, AND CBS making Barkley’s colonoscopy one of the most widely televised events in broadcasting history.

No!!!!!!!!!!!

The televised event actually led to some creative writer at Foxsports.com penning this lead:

 

 

 

“We may not know what Shaq’s tastes like (or really care to, for that matter), but we’re about to find out what Sir Charles’ looks like.”

The article also contains another classic Barkley quote,

 

 

 

they were “probably just looking for the celebrity with the biggest ass.”

 

NETWORK PREVIEW? AN ACTUAL COLONOSCOPY PHOTO

MARK SPITZ: NOT BITTER AFTER ALL

August 16, 2008

MARK SPITZ

As it turns out, former Olympic swimmer Mark Spitz is not the bitter-old-man caricature that he has been portrayed as by bloggers.

American swimmer Michael Phelps’ tied Spitz’s Olympic record of seven gold medals Friday with a miracle win in the 100 meter butterfly.

Following the victory, NBC arranged a joint interview with Phelps, Spitz and studio host Bob Costas. In that interview, Spitz did not come across as bitter at all. He was gracious in his praise of Phelps.

Neil Best of Newsday (the best sports media critic in America) has a complete transcript of the interview on his blog today.

Phelps attempts to break Spitz’s record and win an Olympic record eighth gold medal later tonight.

OLYMPIC SWIMMER MICHAEL PHELPS BEING CALLED “SAVIOR” OF NBC

August 15, 2008

ACTUAL PHOTO OF MICHAEL PHELPS THAT APPEARED IN TODAY’S NEW YORK POST

Not only has American swimmer Michael Phelps dominated the Olympics, but now he’s being given credit for single-handedly saving an entire television network.

According to today’s New York Post, before the tv ratings and ad revenues were released for this year’s Olympics, General Electric, the parent company for NBC tv, was said to be planning to sell the fourth rated television network. Now, in light of record ratings and over a billion dollars in Olympic ad revenues, NBC has been saved.

Experts consider Phelps the sole reason for NBC’s turnaround. Viewers that have turned in to watch Phelps are the sole reason this Olympics has outdrawn the 2004 games in Athens. Although Super Bowls are still the biggest single day events in television, this year’s Olympics have sustained monster ratings over an entire week. So far 168 million Americans have watched at least part of the Olympics on NBC. That doesn’t even count the viewers on NBC’s sister stations (CNBC, MSNBC, USA Network and Oxygen.) Every time Phelps has raced between 24-33 million Americans have been watching.

Advertising are flooding NBC looking to get on the Phelps/Olympics bandwagon. So much so that NBC’s sales have increased across the board for the entire network. No wonder today’s Post article called Phelps a “savior.”

GREATEST MOMENT IN FOX NEWS HISTORY: ACTOR ERNEST BORGINE REVEALS THE SECRET OF LIVING TO BE 91- FREQUENT MASTURBATION

August 15, 2008

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ESPN BLOWS

August 14, 2008

OCHO CINCO

ESPN recently debuted their new live morning Sportscenter program. The Worldwide Leader now airs six additional hours a day of live news in addition to their previous editions of Sportscenter, 24 hours a day of ESPN News and the continuation of the pathetic First Take (the show formerly known as Cold Pizza.)

Unfortunately, quantity has not yet translated into quality for the new Sportscenter. Despite an army of sportswriters and ex-athletes to serve as analysts, ESPN has been beaten again and again on stories recently. Jay Glazer of Foxsports beat ALL of ESPN’s horde of reporters covering the Brett Favre saga when he was traded to the Jets. ESPN hasn’t broken a story this entire week on their new show. And God knows they should have.

The network continues to get scooped and often in embarrassing fashion. Take the latest two examples of absolute ineptitude. First, Sportscenter led this week with an “exclusive” interview with Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson. During the interview Johnson hinted that he had a “big announcement” coming. Despite Johnson’s nonstop talking, ESPN wasn’t able to discover what that announcement was. A blog broke the story that Johnson was officially changing his name to “Ocho Cinco.”

 

 

A full TWO DAYS after the Chad Johnson interview, Sportcenter was still running clips of the moronic Mr. Cinco saying he could swim faster than Michael Phelps. Yet, they haven’t yet figured out the Ocho Cinco name change story which is all over the internet.

Far, far more embarrassing was the performance of Damon Jones on Wednesday’s edition of First Take. The Cleveland Cavaliers guard was filling in for host Jay Crawford. It’s bad enough that Jones was humiliated time and again by effeminate, screaming maniac Skip Bayless. Jones’ only responses to Bayless’ typical idiotic tirades seemed to consist of, “Oh, yeah?” That was bound to happen since Damon Jones has never done television before.

An especially awkward moment for Jones came when he proclaimed Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens as his “best friend.” Bayless berated Jones about what a loser T.O. is. The two went back and forth until Bayless finally pointed that if Owens was such a “great guy” why do respected coaches coaches like Steve Mariucci, Andy Reid and Bill Parcells HATE HIS GUTS? Jones’ response was priceless. The usually loquacious “World’s Greatest Shooter” literally sat there in silence for a full 20 seconds. He had nothing.

However, one of the most embarrassing moments in television history occured later in the show. Through an act of amazing cosmic coincidence Damon Jones was actually traded by the Cleveland Cavaliers WHILE HE WAS DOING THE SHOW. Hey, it happens. What makes the Jones trade embarrassing beyond belief is that ESPN got beat on that story too. Yes, ESPN was actually scooped on the trade of one of their own hosts!

It doesn’t get any worse than that.

DAMON JONES: WORST TV ANALYST EVER-WAS SCOOPED ON HIS OWN TRADE

SOUL MUSICIAN ISAAC HAYES DIES AT 65

August 11, 2008

ISAAC HAYES

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ROCK AND ROLL HALL-OF-FAMER ISAAC HAYES IN 1971

MR. ELISABETH HASSELBECK JOINS ESPN

August 10, 2008

BALDING KEPT MAN TIM HASSELBECK

Former NFL and Boston College quarterback Tim Hasselbeck has been hired as an NFL analyst by ESPN. Hasselbeck, who is married to television personality Elisabeth Hasselbeck of “The View,” replaces Sean Salisbury. I guess Stoney Case wasn’t available.

Hasselbeck fits the Salisbury mold in that he sucked as an NFL quarterback. Unlike Salisbury, Hasselbeck is reportedly a great guy. That’s probably how he stuck around the NFL despite the fact that he hasn’t completed a pass in a regular season game since 2003. Think of that. Hasselbeck was a professional NFL quarterback drawing a paycheck every week and he didn’t even ATTEMPT a pass for four seasons.

Hasselbeck got into 1 game with the Arizona Cardinals in 2007. He ran the ball once for minus one yard. Hasselbeck also played with the New York Giants in 2005. He never attempted a pass but ran for minus three yards.

Worse, he’s married to right-wing hottie/Nazi Elisabeth Hasselbeck and openly credits her for helping him in his tv career. That’s right, everything he learned about tv he got from Elisabeth Hasselbeck. I guess that means we can look forward to Tim Hasselbeck crying on the set this year.

 

ELISABETH HASSELBECK

CHICAGO TV EXEC FIDDLES WHILE STATION BURNS

August 9, 2008

 

EVIL SCUMBAG TV EXEC JOE AHERN OF WBBM

After working in the radio and television industries throughout the ’90s and 2000s there is one thing I’ve learned from first hand experience. The people in radio and television management are the worst scum and filth in American business. There are no more vile, evil, stupid and corrupt individuals on the face of the earth than the people who run radio stations. Except the people who run television.

Here’s the latest example of wanton greed and avarice from the world of local television. Tv station WBBM in Chicago has recently undergone a series of drastic cutbacks. While these “draconian” cutbacks and layoffs were in full effect at WBBM, the station’s general manager, Joe Ahern, managed to find the funds to install a marble shower in the private bathroom of his new office. He also spent $5,000 on ONE LUNCH that he billed to the station. 

Ahern’s disgusting, selfish behavior came to light in a column by Chicago Sun-Times writer Robert Feder. If you want further proof of how stupid and evil WBBM management is check out their new logo (pictured below.) In a time of falling revenues and serious cutbacks the station authorized hundreds of thousands of dollars to be spent on coming up with a new station logo. The result is probably the most cluttered, incomprehensible and worthless logo ever unleashed on an uncaring public.

Media moguls are very big on rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. A tv station changing its logo in an effort to improve falling ratings is akin to the radio station with horrible ratings that orders all new liners. They will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to “re-image” the station.

This story also reminds me of a tv station I used to work for. The station had a wage and hiring freeze on its employees. They also refused to upgrade the news department’s electronic equipment. Yet, the tv station gave $50,000 to a consultant to change the name of the nightly news from “News 2” to “Action 2 News.” The station remained in last place in the ratings after spending the $50,000.

 

NEW WBBM LOGO

HOW MUCH DOES OPRAH MAKE ?

August 5, 2008

OPRAH WINFREY

According to a report in Us Magazine, Oprah Winfrey make $350 million a year.

LAS VEGAS TV STATION FIRES LONGTIME SPORTS ANCHOR

August 3, 2008

RON FUTRELL

Las Vegas ABC TV affiliate KTNV has fired reporter Ron Futrell after he was arrested over the weekend for leaving the scene of a car accident. Futrell was a longtime Las Vegas sports anchor.