Posts Tagged ‘sex’

END OF AN ERA

May 7, 2008

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Say it ain’t so! Dr. Sue Johanson is retiring from television. Recently she’d been on the Oxygen network, but since I’ve NEVER watched Oxygen I remember her from the old days of satellite tv. She used to have a show on Canadian television.

I’ve been accused of having an infantile sense of humor but you haven’t lived until you’ve heard a seventy-seven-year-old Canadian woman give sex advice on tv. She’s about 1,000 times better than Dr. Ruth.  Johanson has provided some of the most unintentionally funny tv in broadcast history. She was one of David Letterman’s all-time favorite guests.

The above clip is Johanson giving a caller advice on “rough anal sex.” Keep in mind, the woman is seventy-seven-years-old. Among the advice she gives the female caller (who claims she LOVES anal sex) is, “Hey,…it’s your rectum.”

Classic!

Johanson’s late night show was still highly rated (particularly among sluts and dope smokers) even with the highly coveted younger demos.

Johanson is going out with a bang. Her final show counts down the year’s Top 10 Sex Toys. If you ever saw the old John Byner Show on Showtime (the one with Super Dave) they had a bit where they would feature someone’s grandmother telling FILTHY jokes every week. THAT’S JOHANSON. She was like your grandmother talking about sex toys, anal sex and penis size every week.

YES, THAT PICTURE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU THINK IT IS-A SEVENTY-SEVEN-YEAR-OLD TOOTHLESS GRANDMOTHER HOLDING UP A BIG GIANT DILDO

FOXNEWS PRESENTS FAIR AND BALANCED STORY ON THE ISSUE OF OUR TIME: SHOULD YOU SHAVE EVERYWHERE

May 3, 2008

FOX “SEXPERT” YVONNE K. FULBRIGHT

Thanks to the Huffington Post for pointing out this gem:

I wonder what “culture warrior” Bill O’Reilly thinks of this penetrating piece of journalism. Until today I had no idea that www.foxnews.com employs a “sexpert.” Her name is Yvonne K. Fulbright (above) and she writes about the important sexual issues of our time.

For instance, Fulbright recently offered a scholarly look at “Viva la Vulva: Women’s Sex Organs Revealed.”

This week Fulbright’s column asks the burning question “Are you Bare Down There?” The column is on “The Ins and Outs of All-Over Shaving.” According to Fulbright,

 

“…it seems that everyone now – guy or gal – is giving at least some thought to pubic hair.”

Really? I can’t speak for all men, but as for myself, the amount of times that I’ve sat around the house and thought, “Geeze, should I shave off all my pubic hair?” or “I’m feeling like I just have too much hair on my balls” is exactly ZERO!

Nonetheless, Fulbright claims her male readers are flooding her inbox regarding this topic:

“I certainly get enough e-mails from male readers about going hairless. They want to know: What’s the deal?”

First off, what’s the deal with the Seinfeldesque “what’s-the-deal-with-pubic-hair?”

Secondly, I SERIOUSLY doubt that any heterosexual male reader ever wrote such an e-mail.

Third, does Foxnews have ANY female expert on ANYTHING that isn’t blonde?

Fox News likes to claim it is “fair and balanced” and Fulbright’s piece certainly is. She methodically lists the PROS and CONS of shaving EVERYWHERE:

Reasons to Sport Hair

— Looking untamed brings out the wild animal in you and your lover.

— You both love it and make no apologies for embracing your natural state of being.

— You think having hair is a sign that you are sexually mature.

— Hair captures our enticing scents.

— Your hair-down-there is believed to retain and disseminate musky pheromones, substances the body emits as a sexual attractant that drives your lover crazy. In fact, Napoleon Bonaparte was so in love with a woman’s natural scent, he was said to ask Josephine to avoid bathing for two full weeks before his return from military missions.

— Experts believe that hair has a biological purpose, acting as a barrier to bacteria and viruses and reducing friction during sex. Proponents for going “au naturel” will be the first to remind you that before there was underwear, hair was a necessity in keeping dirt and germs away from the genitals.

— You don’t have the time, or the money for that matter, for upkeep. For most people, being hairless requires work! You have no desire to make it a hobby.

— You love your body just the way it is.

Reasons to Go Bare

— You find the smooth, silky look sexy.

— You like the way it makes you feel — less hair can up the ante as far as erotic sensations go, with your skin more sensitive and exposed. Plus, you feel “cleaner” and freer in your skin and in the sack.

— You want easier access. Enough said.

— You’re after increased pleasure, whether that be in your clothes or under the sheets.

— You enjoy the occasional trip to a nude beach and would feel more comfortable hairless.

— You’ve had a recent run-in with a parasite, and going hairless is part of your eviction notice.

— Less hair helps you to feel drier and fresher in hot weather.

— You think that going hairless will make you more sexually confident and attractive.

— Fur is out and that means on you too.

Fur is out and that means on you too. I wonder if Sean Hannity got that memo from Foxnews?