Posts Tagged ‘ESPN’

ESPN BLOWS

August 14, 2008

OCHO CINCO

ESPN recently debuted their new live morning Sportscenter program. The Worldwide Leader now airs six additional hours a day of live news in addition to their previous editions of Sportscenter, 24 hours a day of ESPN News and the continuation of the pathetic First Take (the show formerly known as Cold Pizza.)

Unfortunately, quantity has not yet translated into quality for the new Sportscenter. Despite an army of sportswriters and ex-athletes to serve as analysts, ESPN has been beaten again and again on stories recently. Jay Glazer of Foxsports beat ALL of ESPN’s horde of reporters covering the Brett Favre saga when he was traded to the Jets. ESPN hasn’t broken a story this entire week on their new show. And God knows they should have.

The network continues to get scooped and often in embarrassing fashion. Take the latest two examples of absolute ineptitude. First, Sportscenter led this week with an “exclusive” interview with Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson. During the interview Johnson hinted that he had a “big announcement” coming. Despite Johnson’s nonstop talking, ESPN wasn’t able to discover what that announcement was. A blog broke the story that Johnson was officially changing his name to “Ocho Cinco.”

 

 

A full TWO DAYS after the Chad Johnson interview, Sportcenter was still running clips of the moronic Mr. Cinco saying he could swim faster than Michael Phelps. Yet, they haven’t yet figured out the Ocho Cinco name change story which is all over the internet.

Far, far more embarrassing was the performance of Damon Jones on Wednesday’s edition of First Take. The Cleveland Cavaliers guard was filling in for host Jay Crawford. It’s bad enough that Jones was humiliated time and again by effeminate, screaming maniac Skip Bayless. Jones’ only responses to Bayless’ typical idiotic tirades seemed to consist of, “Oh, yeah?” That was bound to happen since Damon Jones has never done television before.

An especially awkward moment for Jones came when he proclaimed Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens as his “best friend.” Bayless berated Jones about what a loser T.O. is. The two went back and forth until Bayless finally pointed that if Owens was such a “great guy” why do respected coaches coaches like Steve Mariucci, Andy Reid and Bill Parcells HATE HIS GUTS? Jones’ response was priceless. The usually loquacious “World’s Greatest Shooter” literally sat there in silence for a full 20 seconds. He had nothing.

However, one of the most embarrassing moments in television history occured later in the show. Through an act of amazing cosmic coincidence Damon Jones was actually traded by the Cleveland Cavaliers WHILE HE WAS DOING THE SHOW. Hey, it happens. What makes the Jones trade embarrassing beyond belief is that ESPN got beat on that story too. Yes, ESPN was actually scooped on the trade of one of their own hosts!

It doesn’t get any worse than that.

DAMON JONES: WORST TV ANALYST EVER-WAS SCOOPED ON HIS OWN TRADE

ANOTHER MASSIVE X-GAMES WIPEOUT: DANNY WAY BITES IT

August 1, 2008

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ESPY GIFT BAGS

July 16, 2008

08 ESPY GIFT BAGS

The website www.awfulannouncing.com scooped the world by reprinting the contents of this year’s ESPY gift bags from an ESPN press release.

 

Amadeus Spa- Gift Certificate
AlcoMate- Premium Breathalyzer
Amadeo Decada- Custom Hoodie & gift certificate
Ancestry.com- DNA Ancestry Kit & Family Tree Maker 2008 Software
Bedandbreakfast.com- Gift Certificate
Blush Bags- Gift Cards
Bobbi Brown- Sunscreen
Bosch- Gift Cards
Breeders Cup- VIP Experience and transportation plus a 2% stake in a West Point Thoroughbred horse
Campus Quilt- Gift Certificates
Canvasondemand.com- Gift Certificates
Chipotle- Gift Certificates good for a burrito a week FOR A YEAR!
Chumby- A compact device that displays useful and entertaining information from the web- wake up to your internet life!
Deanna Zaccari- Gift Certificate for an exclusive 2-hour personal stylist
DeBrand Chocolates- Chocolate Tower, Classic and Connoisseur Collection and a gift card
Del Sol- Color changing apparel & accessories including Men’s & Women’s Flip Flops
Dirt Devil- Dirt Devil Reaction All-Surface Vacuum Cleaner
Disneyland Tickets- Pairs of Disneyland® Resort 1-Day Park Hopper® Tickets
Disney on Broadway- Pair of tickets to The Little Mermaid, The Lion King and Mary Poppins
EA Sports- 2009 NCAA Football for PS3 and XBOX 360
Econation- 2 hours of chauffered service in a luxury eco-friendly vehicle
Flowershop.com- Gift Certificate
Hasbro Games- Collection of Board Games
Hasbro Toys- Collection of Toys
Hot Rod Putter- Hot Rod Putter head
iGourmet- Gift card
iHome- Portable Speaker System for iPod
Invicta Watches- Russian Diver watches
Ironkey- the world’s most secure flash drive
Johnston & Murphy- J & M leather toiletry sets
Klipsch- Headphones
L.A. Vie L’Orange- Walk on the Beach Pedicure
LÄRABAR- Gift Certificate
Live Scribe- 1 GB Pulse Smartpen that records and links audio
Marchon Eyewear– Designer sunglasses
Margaritaville® Frozen Concoction Maker- Gift Certificate
Mitchell & Ness- Jackets from Mitchell & Ness
Murad- Wrinkle Reducer
Nimble Fitness- Gift Card for a complimentary fitness package
Oregon Scientific- An ATC Action Camera
Pacific Palms Golf Course- 1 night stay at the resort and 1 complimentary round of golf
Parajumpers- Gift certificate for a Parajumpers “Gobi” jacket
Phyto- Gift certificates
Revolution- Gift certificates
Richard Petty Experience- Make laps inside an authentic 600hp NASCAR style stock car
Rock ‘n’ Roll Fantasy Camp- Admittance into the 2008 Summer Tour of Rock n’ Roll Fantasy Camp
Rosetta Stone- Gift Certificate
Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse- Gift Certificate
Salt Works Jeans- Gift Certificate
Sea Spa Santa Barbara- Gift Certificate
Shari’s Berries- Gift Certificate
Skin Care for Athletes- Gift Certificate
Smashbox- Gift Set
Sports Club LA- A complimentary 1 year membership
Stress Eraser- FDA-regulated medical device that relaxes he body and calms the mind
Subway- Gift card
The Shave- Gift card
The Standard- 2 night stay at any of their 4 locations
Three Designing Women- Box Sets and an Acrylic Desk Caddy
Timberland- 18″ wheeled duffel suitcase
Trapp Private Garden Candles- Large poured candles and Home fragrance sprays
Under Armour- Large Gym Bag and Sunglasses
Yamaha BodiBeat- Gift Certificate
Yogaworks- Gift Certificate
Zaca Mesa Winerey- 1 bottle of wine and gift certificate
Zirh- Platinum drenched moisturizer

NOT A SMART MOVE: BONNIE BERNSTEIN COMPARES HIGH SCHOOL HOOPSTERS TO SUICIDE BOMBERS

June 27, 2008

BONNIE BERNSTEIN

Sideline reporter Bonnie Bernstein says she’s sorry about that whole suicide bomber thing.

Bernstein has apologized for comparing high school basketball players to suicide bombers. Bernstein made her comments on Wednesday while making an appearance on ESPN’s Mike and Mike radio show.

Bernstein said high school basketball players today are “programmed to pursue millions of dollars” and likened them to Palestinian children who she claimed were “programmed to become suicide bombers.”

You can hear Bernstein’s apology by clicking: HERE

 

CHRIS BERMAN IS A ROCK STAR-JUST ASK CHRIS BERMAN

June 9, 2008

SELF-DELUSIONAL EGOMANIAC DOUCHEBAG CHRIS BERMAN

The website Awful Announcing managed to dig up a piece on Chris Berman from the San Diego paper this weekend. Responding to his mulitude of critics, Berman actually compares himself to a rock star and Willie Mays,

 

“You can’t fault me. I’ve been doing it for 28½ years, but maybe this guy heard it for the first time. I view myself as not a rock star, but if you go to see Rod Stewart, at some point you want to hear him sing ‘Maggie May.’ You don’t want to hear him sing ‘Maggie May’ 50 times. But I owe it to the audience to sing ‘Maggie May.’

“I still put a smile on people’s faces. I’ll never be Willie Mays falling down in center field. I’ll know way before anybody else that it’s time to go. So, sure, there’s going to be shots like ‘Yeah, we’ve heard it,’ but what do you expect? What do you want? You want somebody else, then get somebody else.”

CHRIS BERMAN: CHICKS DIG HIM

In evaluating his own performance as a golf announcer, Berman proclaimed himself a man of the people-only better,

 

“You’d say, ‘Boy, this guy did his homework.’ The history of it is intriguing to me. The players, many of whom I know personally, and the caddies. I go out and I play the course. I’m just having a good time.”

 

And, according to this weekend’s article, the usually stuffy golf executives are nearly as happy with Berman as he is with himself:

 

The U.S. Open guys love him on it,” said John Skipper of ESPN. They position themselves as the people’s golf tournament and Chris is the personification of that. . . . He’s knowledgeable and passionate. For us it’s a no-brainer (to use him).”

No Brainer is certainly the right term to use in this case.

 

ESPN TO DEBUT LIVE MORNING SPORTSCENTER

May 11, 2008

HANNAH STORM

Richard Deitsch of Sports Illustrated is reporting that ESPN is about to start a live weekday morning version of Sportscenter. The network has hired Hannah Storm to be the show’s lead anchor.  ESPN has never done live morning broadcasts of sports news. Instead, they’ve chosen to re-run the late night version of Sportscenter all morning long on a continual loop. SI says Hannah Storm will start her ESPN broadcasts “in a couple of months.”

Storm is quite a departure from the network’s recent female hires. She is a 45-year-old mother and a competent, qualified journalist. She is perky and cute not BATCRAP HOT. Lately ESPN has become The Worldwide Leader in hiring blonde hottie sideline reporters with little or no actual broadcast experience.

ERIN ANDREWS

 

ERIN ANDREWS JR. (…a.k.a. SAMANTHA STEELE)

The start of a weekday Sportscenter might mean the final nail in the coffin of ESPN 2’s lame morning show First Take (formerly Cold Pizza.) Sportscenter will go head to head with First Take and SI.com says the revised Sportscenter in the morning (which will feature original content) is an effort by the network to “bolster its morning broadcasts.” That can’t be very good news for any First Take employees.

It’s enough to drive Dana Jacobsen to drink.

RENOWNED VODKA DRINKER DANA JACOBSEN

JIMMY KIMMEL MIGUEL TEJADA SPOOF

May 6, 2008

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ESPN ANNOUNCER IN TROUBLE WITH THE MORMONS

April 19, 2008

 

ESPN basketball analyst Ric Bucher is being criticized for comments he made about Utah fans.

Bucher was a guest on Colin Cowherd’s show on ESPN radio when he said,

“Let’s be honest. They’re Mormon. And they’re in Salt Lake. And there’s nothing else there. You’ve got to smile and be happy all the time. This might be one opportunity for fans to get vicious.”

According to Salt Lake City columnist Scott D. Pierce of the Deseret News, Bucher’s comments prove “it’s OK to be a bigot against some people and not OK to be a bigot against others.”

Pierce writes,

 

Let’s leave aside the lame comment about how there’s nothing to do in Utah. That’s been done so many times it’s neither original nor amusing — let alone accurate. If Bucher had left it at that, nobody would have noticed his comments.

And let’s leave aside how dumb it is to assume that everyone in Utah, let alone everyone in the EnergySolutions Arena, is a member of the LDS Church.

But let’s be honest. If Bucher had been talking about the Knicks and said, “They’re Jews and they’re in New York City”; if Bucher had said, “They’re African-Americans and they’re in Memphis,” he would have been suspended if not fired by now.

Pierce also compared Bucher to former Chicago Bulls forward and Jazz nemesis, Dennis Rodman. Rodman once said of Jazz fans,

“It’s difficult to get in sync because of all the f***ing Mormons out here.”

MIGUEL TEJADA BUSTED BY ESPN

April 18, 2008

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ESPN AND HAROLD REYNOLDS SETTLE LAWSUIT

April 16, 2008

Broadcaster, Harold Reynolds, has settled his wrongful termination lawsuit against ESPN.

Reynolds was fired by the sports network in July of 2006 for sexual harassment. He claimed his termination was over a “brief and innocuous hug” with a female intern.

Said Reynolds,

“This is a matter of principal. And I stood on principle and never wavered. All of my goals were met, and now I look forward to concentrating on the game I love.”

An ESPN spokesperson countered,

“The settlement was a fraction of his demands and substantially less than what it would have cost to litigate the case. Our confidence in both the appropriateness of our action and our legal position never wavered. The resolution allows us to spare the people involved further difficult disruptions to their lives and is economically compelling to ESPN.”

Reynolds now works for mlb.com.