DVD REVIEW: THE BRAVE ONE

I watched the movie The Brave One on DVD yesterday. Thank God I didn’t spend $14 to see it in a theater.

For those of you who’ve missed it, The Brave One features veteran actress Jodie Foster as an NPR radio host who goes all Dirty Harry after her boyfriend is killed and she is badly beaten with a pipe by muggers in New York.

Foster was paid a reported $15 million for her role as Erica Bain. That makes her a bigger criminal than anyone her character shoots in this movie. Foster is literally stealing money in this clunker.

It’s hard to see how this movie even got made. I’m picturing the Tim Robbins character in the movie The Player pitching his idea for a movie: “It’s like ‘Dirty Harry’ meets ‘Contact’…”

The Brave One should have been called Death Wish VI. It’s a complete and total ripoff of the series of Death Wish revenge flicks made by Charles Bronson in the 80’s.

If any male actor in Hollywood would have made this movie not only would he have never worked again, but the movie would have won at least five Razzie Awards as the worst picture of the year.

The writing in The Brave One is laugh-out-loud awful. For instance when Foster’s character makes her impassioned return to the airwaves she talks about her mugging,

 

“I always believed that fear belonged to other people. Weaker people. It never touched me. And then it did. And when it touches you, you know… that it’s been there all along. Waiting beneath the surfaces of everything you loved.”

The scene is embarrassing. It’s that bad. Nonetheless, The Brave One actually managed to get mostly favorable movie reviews. How is that possible?

Step 1: Take the most pedestrian revenge flick you can find.

Step 2: Cast in its lead a Hollywood lesbian icon.

Step 3: Make her character a National Public Radio host.

Step 4: Get the guy who made The Crying Game to direct it.

VIOLA! It’s art! 

 Actually, it’s crap. Even though she was nominated for a Golden Globe Award as Best Actress for this role (unbelievable!) the only acting Foster does in the entire movie is pretending to like boys. The Brave One features Foster kissing a man. I believe that’s Foster’s first on-screen male love interest since Maverick in 1994. The hapless Dead-Man-Walking boyfriend is played by Naveen Andrews. (He’s the long-haired guy from Lost.) In one of the most laughable casting choices in recent memory, Andrews plays a brilliant doctor. Apparently Fabio wasn’t available. Also, if there’s an award given for Most-Emasculated-Male-In-a-Supporting-Role I’d certainly like to nominate Terrence Howard for his portrayal of Detective Mercer in The Brave One.

Ordinarily movie reviewers treat mindless revenge flicks like this with complete disdain. But, apparently there’s a niche out there for lesbians who want to see Jodie Foster in a black tank top shooting bad guys.

JODIE FOSTER

 

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One Response to “DVD REVIEW: THE BRAVE ONE”

  1. bobby Says:

    thanx for saving me four bucks but you shouldn’t be surprised. hollywood has only had three original ideas in the past ten years and one was “blair witch”

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