Jared Lorenzen of the New York Giants is one of my all-time favorite NFL quarterbacks. At 6′ 4″ his listed playing weight is 285. In reality, he’s probably pushing three bills. Who doesn’t love a guy whose nicknames include The Hefty Lefty, J. Lo and The Pillsbury Throwboy? Especially when the guy with those nicknames is a qb. Hell, he’s probably the only FAT quarterback in NFL history. I’m firmly convinced the League shoots his face THIS tight on just to make him LOOK FATTER so fans will love him even more.

Last season was an eventful year for Lorenzen. He beat out all the other quarterbacks in Giants camp for the backup job behind Eli Manning. He was the number two quarterback for the Super Bowl champion New York Giants. That won Lorenzen a Super Bowl ring. He even completed the first passes of his NFL career.

Unfortunately, backing up Eli Manning at quarterback doesn’t afford much opportunity. Lorenzen has completed just four regular season NFL passes in three years for a total of 28 yards.

Last year Lorenzen’s job consisted mainly of wearing a baseball hat and high-fiving Manning when he came off the field:

and trying to pay attention while Manning and Tom Coughlin ruled the football world:

Lorenzen did line up under center for the first time in an actual NFL game. It was such a rare occurrence here’s proof:

And when Lorenzen finally got his big chance to get some playing time against Green Bay in September (after Manning was hurt), he injured his ankle.

It’s hard to be obscure when you’re an NFL quarterback in the nation’s number one market. But, here’s Lorenzen at last year’s Super Bowl Media Day:

Completing 4 passes in three years has that effect. Lorenzen probably took more pictures at last year’s Super Bowl than were taken of him:

After drawing an NFL paycheck for the past three years the gravy train appears to be over for Big Fat Jared Lorenzen. Seeking more experience than a guy who averaged just over one completion a year for his NFL career, the Giants have signed veteran David Carr to be Eli Manning’s number two next season. Veteran Anthony Wright is also still on the Giants roster.


But, the unkindest cut off all came for Lorenzen last month. The Giants drafted quarterback Andre’ Woodson from the University of Kentucky. That’s Lorenzen’s alma matre. Worse, Woodson and Lorenzen were actually teammates at Kentucky. Woodson was a redshirt freshman during Lorenzen’s senior season with the Wildcats. They both played their high school football in Kentucky. The two remain friendly.

Unfortunately the Giants adding two quarterbacks in the offseason (Carr and Woodson) doesn’t bode well for Lorenzen and his chances to make the team. In an interview with the Lexington Herald Leader this weekend, Lorenzen said he was “shocked” when the Giants drafted Woodson,

“Well, first of all, I was shocked that Andre fell so low,” Lorenzen said this week. “And then I was shocked from the standpoint that we already have four quarterbacks. But I do think it was a great value pick. Andre is a second- or third-round guy and you get him in the sixth round.”

“This is for a job,” Lorenzen said. “This is your livelihood. At Kentucky, I knew if I lost the quarterback job, I had a chance to win it back. But this is all about your career, your future, and taking care of your family.”

Despite having to “take care of his family,” Lorenzen said he would be glad to help Woodson learn the NFL ropes,

“It can be a friendly competition. Andre’s a Kentucky guy, so I want him to do well. I’m hoping that we can help each other out.”

“If he wants to sit down and work together and go over some things, I’d be more than glad to help him,” Lorenzen said.

In reality, barring injury, Lorenzen is screwed. Manning and Carr make big bucks and are clearly entrenched at #1 and 2. Woodson is younger than Lorenzen, will command a lower salary and teams rarely cut draft picks. He is an ideal choice for a number three quarterback where the number TWO guy never plays. Woodson was a huge star in college (he set the SEC record with 40 td passes this past season.) Before slumping at the end of the year Kentucky actually hyped Woodson for the Heisman Trophy.

Although Woodson had a great year at Kentucky, his offseason was a disaster. He played poorly at the Senior Bowl, was a flop at the combine and then scored a 14 on his Wonderlic intelligence test administered by the League. (That tied John David Booty of USC for the lowest score among QB’s.)

Still, there’s little doubt that Woodson is going to beat out Lorenzen who is unlikely to hook on with another NFL team. After that Jared Lorenzen will have to put his Kentucky education to work and find a real job. I’m sure all of this makes Lorenzen long for the days when he, not Woodson, was Kentucky’s Big Man On Campus. Literally.

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  2. STefon Says:

    Jared lorenzen is a heck of a Football player.
    J-Lo to the miami dolphins any day in my book.
    The lexington Horsemen are lucky to have A QB that can knock the heck out of a linebacker and a cannon for an arm I dont care what anyone says this guy can Play.

    Go J-Lo from Miramar Florida

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